Sesame Crusted Smoked Salmon (hiccup)
1 side of fresh salmon
1 bottle Scotch Whiskey
A few Hands Full of Maldon Dea Salt
A hand full of Sugar
A few cracked Peppercorns
A Pinch of Cracked Fennel Seeds
2 Oranges, sliced
Few Hands full of Apple or Cherry Wood Chips
Enclosed chamber with minor ventilation (cause old smoke is no good)
Open Bottle of Whiskey and do a quality check, Pour one glass full and drink. If quality is ok proceed.
Make sure bones are removed from Salmon Fillet, rinse Fillet and pat dry. If not sure of Whiskey quality, take one more glass, it is of utmost importance to only use superior quality ingredients! Lay Slalmon on layer ov Plastic Vrap. Skin Side down…..Oops! Mix Zugarh with Zalt, Pepper Korns and Vennel Zeedz. Do one last quhuality check on the Whiskey, cause its getting all confusing.
Koat zhe Zalmon Villet with zhe Zalt mixtureh. Zlice zhe Oranges velyh caruhfullie, making zure not zo cut zhe fingurs! Now top Zhe Zalmon with zhe Ornage zlices. Now buhfore using zhe Whiskey, make duoble sure its zafe to esu, o best is take one more taste. Pour whiskey inzo guhlass……derop guhlass on floor, bent down zho pick up zhe piezes, cut fingures…….ouch….damn……zhis is so hard. Leave rubbish on zhe floor, try do get up from zhe floor. Zhprinkle whizkey over salmon generositily……and wrap up wih zhe kling fillum tight. marinate for zixs hours….. Zake a rhest.
Wake up with massive hangover, best is to start the day with what you ended so taste teast the whiskey one more time. Seems Fine, so proceed. Make small fire with zhe apple woot, zhen like on your birzhday, blow out zhe fire……remember zho catzh breath in bezween. place in enclosed space. Rinze zhe zalmon fihhlut under cold water, and patch duhry Place zahlmon fillut over zmoulder, and leave door azhjar a bizt. suhmoke zhe son ofuah betch vor 2 hourz…. Now very karefuhhuly remove zalmon from zmoke ofen, and coat zhe bitch with ze…ze…..ze…zezame zeheds.
vrap zhe vhole damn zhing tight and leuve zhe damn zhing for when zhe hangover zuhubsides in zehe vridge. Wake up next morning, take hangover medication (forget last 2 shots in whiskey bottle) poach some eggs and slice salmon…..top on toast and you will feel as new again! apart from the drunkard writing the recipe is real, this is how i smoke salmon at work every 2 days (except for tasting zhe whiskey) Enjoy